Dumb Pharmaceutical Product Names
I’m still out there, and as I get more money and time I’ll launch any of the ideas I’ve been building. One I just have to post about, because it frustrates me to no end.
Maybe I’m just a Latinist, but I love watching how products are named. Nothing conveys a group of buzzwords better than to translate one or more tangentially related concepts into Latin. Come out with a car that accelerates quickly, and guaranteed it will be named the Celera. A pill that purports to help heart disease will be named CorSana. These are examples of “dog latin”, which you’re all familiar with in the form of Harry Potter spells. Basically JK Rowling takes “hey, rock, fly against that wall!”, translates the phrase into Latin, and then Seussifies the resulting phrase to make it sound romantic and mystical.
I have, however, been horrified lately at the suicidal naming conventions of the pharmaceutical industry lately. Yesterday I went to the pharmacy to pick up some Zofran for my wife. The pharmacist told me there was a generic, and when I asked its name, she started giggling and, after a moment, said “ondansetron.” After spending a billion dollars to bring a product to market, the pharmaceutical companies have no better sense than to name their pills “ondansetron?” That sounds like a generic Dance Dance Revolution rip-off, not a $25/pill anti-nausea medicine.
Anyway, so company #16 or 17 or whatever will be to name companies, products, etc. I’ll post more stupid pill names as I see them–and I’m sure 15 minutes of any news channel will show me at least 3. In the meantime Bethany’s pregnant (hence her desire to get on dance uh tron), and I took a new job and am moving to San Francisco in two days.
Abilify has become all over. Januvia (read: Janus, the God of Doors, and Via, Road.) So I know they’re trying to say “a new way” or the like, but it’s just kinda’ funny in context.
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[...] in the only way they know how. Grown up they wield a billion dollars to take a drug to market, then name it Abilify or The Purple Pill. Demonstrative names are passé–marketing requires feelings and [...]
AciPhex! A billion dollars to come to market, and they name it AciPhex!
Quietus. If your ears are ringing, you should spend your money on something whose first definition is “death.” We all get that they’re focusing on the similarity to the word “quiet” in a word that literally means “quiet” if you’re willing to see it that way. But someone should have noticed that in the real world it means “death.” Haven’t those executives read Shakespeare?
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